Ten Years
by Mikozume
Summary: Oikawa Tooru was eight years old when he came into Iwaizumi Hajime's life. Eight years old when he started anything and everything, and eight years old when he changed everything that had ever been. Oikawa Tooru was eighteen years old when he left Iwaizumi Hajime's life. Eighteen when he ended everything and everything, and eighteen when the world stopped with his breathing.


_This Is The End, Where You Tell Him You Love Him_

Ten

He's gangly and pale, but Iwaizumi isn't really one to judge, seeing how he never goes outside and is pretty pale himself. The boy looks like he's going to be tired and boring, the kind of sickly-looking kid that wallows in his inevitable fate and never talks to anyone who makes an attempt at conversation. Iwaizumi tries anyway, going up to him and halfheartedly asking if he plays volleyball.

 _Of course he doesn't play volleyball,_ Iwaizumi chides himself.

But the boy's eyes light up and he bounces up and down like he's been given a present. The boy _does_ play volleyball—he's good at it, too, and he enjoys it more than anything else, probably.

The boy's name is Oikawa. He tells Iwaizumi that he likes aliens and that he likes space, and Iwaizumi tells him that he likes bugs. Oikawa's grossed out until Iwaizumi points out that bugs look kind of like aliens, if you look at them the right way.

Iwaizumi takes Oikawa to see his beetles after school where they discover that Oikawa's just moved in across the street, and that they can see each other through their bedroom windows if they both open their blinds. Oikawa proposes that they learn Morse code.

Nine

Iwaizumi tries out for the volleyball team, as per Oikawa's request. It's not much of a team, but it's as close as a gaggle of nonathletic nine-year-olds are going to get. Oikawa's still ecstatic. He plays volleyball for as long as he can until he's gasping and out of breath and the coaches make him sit down. It doesn't take him long to grow tired and have to sit down, and sometimes his mother fusses so much that Oikawa isn't allowed to go. It takes him seemingly forever to catch his breath each time, but he always bounds right back and goes back to proclaiming that he's going to be the absolute _best._

Oikawa asks randomly, one night, if Iwaizumi will play volleyball with him for as long as they can.

"Sure," Iwaizumi promises. "We can play volleyball forever."

Oikawa hums, still grinning. "My mum says I don't get forever like everyone else does, so we can't play forever. But we can play for… as close to forever as we can get!"

"What's that mean?" Iwaizumi cocks his head, confused. "Did your mum take it away cause you did something bad? My mum always says I don't get stuff back, but I get it back eventually if I'm _really_ good. Maybe your mum'll give you yours back if you're good for a long time," he reassures his friend.

Oikawa grins, still swinging his feet. "Yeah!"

Eight

Oikawa's mum is fussing again, almost not letting Oikawa play volleyball that year and almost not letting Oikawa go to public school with everyone else. Iwaizumi doesn't know what homeschooling is, but Oikawa seems distasteful towards the idea, so Iwaizumi is too.

In the end, Oikawa's still sitting at the desk next to Iwaizumi, how he always is. Iwaizumi thinks that's how it always should be, with Oikawa sitting at the desk next to him. He doesn't say it out-loud, of course. If he told Oikawa that, Oikawa would get all loud and gushy, and Iwaizumi dislikes it when he does that.

Oikawa admits that he's nervous for middle school next year. Iwaizumi tells him to hush, and reminds him that it's a whole year away.

"Do you think my mum will let me play volleyball next year, Iwa-chan?"

"If she doesn't, then I'll come over to your house and play it with you. We'll make our own team with two people."

"Then who will we play against?" Oikawa asks, frowning slightly and poking at his food.

Iwaizumi shoves a clump of rice into his mouth, speaking around his food. "I'll make your sister play against us. She's tall, but there's two of us, so we'll win."

Oikawa smiles again after that, and Iwaizumi is glad. He doesn't really like it when Oikawa's gloomy.

Seven

Middle school is the first year that there's a school volleyball team, and Iwaizumi can't remember the last time that Oikawa was this excited for anything. He waas pretty sure that Oikawa's mum wasn't going to let him play volleyball this year, but she must have changed her mind for some reason, because Oikawa's standing next to Iwaizumi and is positively _beaming._

He tells Iwaizumi that they're going to be the very best team, and Iwaizumi asks him how he's sure.

"Because our team has _us,_ Iwa-chan! When we're together we're like, invincible! Good thing I'll always have you, huh?" Oikawa picks up a volleyball off the ground, mind switching gears already as he swaps over to a new topic. "How do you think the older kids do that thing where they spin the ball on their finger? I can't do that."

Iwaizumi shifts topics with him, shrugging and making his own failed attempt at spinning the ball on his finger. The coach calls them all together and they huddle around in the middle of the court, but Iwaizumi's pretty sure that Oikawa's the only one listening to the speech that the coach is giving. Maybe he's a dramatic person because he listens to all the silly, dramatic speeches that coaches give to their teams.

Oikawa told Iwaizumi once that he wants to play volleyball forever, that he wants to play it professionally when he gets older. His look grows sober after that, looking sad for a moment before he perks back up and invites Iwaizumi over to watch a space movie.

Iwaizumi never asks why he's sad, he knows.

Six

Oikawa isn't allowed to go to public school in their second year of middle school. He's gotten ganglier and paler, and he tells Iwaizumi that he feels ill all the time. Iwaizumi asks his mother what he's talking about, proclaiming that Oikawa's mother isn't being fair, telling his mother that it's mean to not allow Oikawa to go to public school with all of them.

His mother gets a very sad look on her face and squats to make herself match Iwaizumi's height. He wonders, idly, if he's done something wrong, because this is usually what she does when he's about to get in trouble.

His mother doesn't look angry, though. She just looks a little sad,.

"Tooru-kun is very sick, Hajime," she tries to explain in a soft voice. "And going to public school will make him feel very sick all of the time. That would be bad, wouldn't it?" She pauses to let Iwaizumi nod once. "Staying home for school will make him feel better, and then he'll be able to stop feeling ill all the time. It's a good thing, Hajime."

They go over to the Oikawa's for dinner a few nights later, and Iwaizumi declares that he'll just homeschool with Oikawa. His mother stares at him, doing her best to explain why he can't do that.

A few nights later he's unenrolled from his public school, and come school season he's crossing the street to go to Oikawa's house, where his mother has them share textbooks and work together on assignments, and where Iwaizumi wonders how he doesn't tire of always being around Oikawa.

Iwaizumi thinks it's much easier being homeschooled, even if he can't play on a real volleyball team. He gets better grades, for sure. Sometimes, when Oikawa's having an especially good day, his mother lets them go outside to play volleyball. They wait for Oikawa's sister to get home, pouncing on her the minute that she gets out of the car and dragging her to compete against them. She always obliges with a complaint or two.

Some days Oikawa doesn't make an appearance. Iwaizumi arrives for school, dropping his bag on the floor and kicking off his shoes, but Oikawa's not sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast. Oikawa's mother has Iwaizumi read lots on those days, coming down to give brief lessons while Oikawa sleeps and going back and forth to fuss over him occasionally.

He always comes back down after enough days, and he's back to being his dramatic, irritating self.

Iwaizumi's always liked it better that way.

Five

Oikawa still isn't allowed to go to public school the next year, and he's grumpy for weeks about it. They've both matured plenty, plenty enough that Oikawa mumbles a halfhearted swear under his breath and frowns at the floor. Iwaizumi lets him feel bad—he'll comfort him soon, but for now he'll let Oikawa mumble and huff and glare, because it helps him to get it out of his system.

"It's not _fair,_ Iwa-chan," Oikawa complains one night, when they're supposed to be asleep. "Why can't I do everything like everyone else can? It's not _fair._ "

Iwaizumi can only think of terrible replies to give, like _life's not fair,_ so he's silent for a little while until he gives up and just replies, "yeah, it's not fair."

His mother does let him play volleyball, though, and Oikawa gets over his pity-party the minute that he hears that. He's allowed to join a team with Iwaizumi that practices every Tuesday night, and school becomes shorter on that day for them, so that Oikawa doesn't tire himself out by doing things all day.

They show up to their little YMCA team on the first day and discover that along with two other boys they're the only ones in their grade on their little makeshift team. The other two boys are named Hanamaki and Matsukawa, and Oikawa and Iwaizumi are happy enough to talk to them. After all, they haven't seen much of anyone else for a year.

It's more fun with the other two, somehow, and while Iwaizumi and Oikawa are still stuck together like glue, they begin to ask their mothers to invite the other two boys over on the weekends.

They're going to the same high school, so Oikawa makes them agree to play volleyball together on their high school's team. They all agree.

Four

High school is an adventure. Two years of homeschooling is enough that Iwaizumi almost wishes to go back to it the minute that he walks through the doors in. Matsukawa and Hanamaki are casual, if not morose that they're back to school, and Oikawa looks like he's flipping shit.

Iwaizumi—for the first time—says goodbye to Oikawa to go to his first class. It's strange to be in a class without Oikawa in the seat next to him, but Iwaizumi figures he could definitely use the time away from his aggravating best friend. He'll see him for lunch, anyway, and they have most of their classes together after lunch as well.

They all join their school's volleyball team, and Oikawa's itching to get back onto the court with a real team. He's frustrated with his limitations—that's obvious—but he'll settle for what he can get. His eyes lock onto the ball and he flings himself onto the court for their first three-on-three match, ready to play a real game.

He's out of breath and exhausted when the game is over, and the coach makes him sit down for a while to rest, but he looks the happiest that he's looked in a while, and when he makes eye contact with Iwaizumi all of the lingering moroseness that's been in his eyes lately is gone.

Three

Their second year of high school, Oikawa falls and hurts his knee. His mother panics, fussing and almost taking him off the volleyball team, but he's okay in the end.

Their second year of high school, Iwaizumi falls, too. He falls for his best friend, who's an aggravating idiot, and he falls for his best friend, who he doesn't get to keep.

It's infuriating, it's not _fair_ , and Iwaizumi knows that _he_ doesn't have any right to be angry about this—not like Oikawa gets to be—but _dammit_ it's not fair!

It's not fair that he isn't allowed to pine and watch from a distance and wonder if Tooru likes him back, because Iwaizumi hasn't got _time_ for that. He hasn't got time to wonder and watch and fall in love from afar before he falls in love up-close.

That's alright, in the end, when his lips are on Oikawa's and Oikawa's grinning at him afterwards.

It's not fair, in the bitterest way possible, that Iwaizumi managed to get the guy he fell for, but he didn't get to keep him. Oikawa was a ticking clock, and when it hit zero everything that Iwaizumi had ever known would end. It _sucked_ that Oikawa was going to be gone, but _Oikawa_ didn't have to deal with the aftermath.

They'd always been together, Oikawa and Iwaizumi, and Iwaizumi didn't _know_ anything else. What the hell was a world without Oikawa Tooru?

Iwaizumi Hajime was fully convinced that if Oikawa's clocked stopped, then Iwaizumi's world would stop with it. There wasn't an Iwaizumi without Oikawa, of course.

It was bittersweet, loving Oikawa, and it was bittersweet being loved by Oikawa. In the end, though, Iwaizumi didn't know a thing about anything, except that he had Oikawa right now.

Two

Oikawa romanticized space, making it out to be something that it really wasn't. He made it beautiful and endless and mysterious, when it wasn't anything but big and black. Still, Oikawa would never stop loving space no matter what it was.

Oikawa's hand was cool and small, fitting perfectly in Iwaizumi's (probably clammy) hand. Iwaizumi had been sure that the point of tonight had been to watch the fireworks that showered down around them prettily, but they were turned completely away from the fireworks, watching the plain stars, instead. Oikawa pointed to each constellation, pointing it out and explaining it, telling the story behind it.

Iwaizumi hadn't cared about the stars, but Oikawa had a way of making them interesting, somehow. So Iwaizumi listened, partially because it was interesting and partially because Oikawa would prod him with an indignant _"_ _Iwa-chan!"_ whenever he stopped listening to what his boyfriend was saying..

So Iwaizumi listened and tried his best to learn them, sure that Oikawa would test him over them later.

Oikawa's still a gangly, sickly-looking, hyperactive person, though, and his prettily-done hair and his confidence and his whole personality made everyone forget that he'd ever been sick at all, making them sure that he must have been absolutely fine.

Iwaizumi tried to forget, letting it slip his mind when he was with Oikawa, but letting it plague his mind when Oikawa was home.

Still, there was lots of things to be done and only a little time to do it all.

Oikawa convinced Iwaizumi to skip class, after many futile attempts. Iwaizumi chides him, telling him that it's important to his future and 'morally wrong' to skip out on classes, flicking his boyfriend on the ear for being annoying. When Oikawa finally snaps, _"_ _what future?"_ is when Iwaizumi shuts up and slouches, not replying for a long period of time. Oikawa opens his mouth, hesitantly looking like he's about to apologize, but Iwaizumi just shushes him and starts to walk out of the school building.

They go downtown and Iwaizumi follows Oikawa, letting the other tell Iwaizumi little facts that he'd looked up online and stories of things that had happened during Oikawa's school day.

"Iwa-chan," Oikawa starts, already grinning like he's told a funny joke. "Someday I'm going to prove that there's aliens."

"How do you plan to do that?" Iwaizumi asks dryly, putting a stuffed otter back onto the shelf the moment that Oikawa picks it up.

Oikawa continues in his small escapade of a search for things that he doesn't need to buy. "I'll get abducted," he replies, tone teasing. "Then I'll woo the aliens into giving me proof that I saw them, then I'll escape back to Earth."

"I don't think you'll need to escape. If I were an alien, I'd put you back the first chance I got." Iwaizumi pretends not to hear Oikawa's faux gasp of offense. "I'd probably just leave you on Pluto or something. You'd have the whole planet to yourself."

" _No,_ " Oikawa pretends to whine, falling dramatically onto Iwaizumi. "That'd be _boring._ Plus, I'd be there alone, so what would I even do? There's not even enough _air_ on Pluto."

"Tell that to the aliens, not me."

Iwaizumi listens to his boyfriend complaining, not caring if it irritates anybody else in the little shop.

Oikawa's terrible music taste follows them wherever they go, playing from the car radio or from the speakers that Oikawa brought with them, or from earbuds connected to Oikawa's phone.

It was tolerable, at best, but Iwaizumi got used to it enough to tune it out. He focused instead on the things that they saw, going to cities near them or going to the hill by their house to look at the stars.

"Iwa-chan," Oikawa says one day. "I'm never going to be a professional volleyball player. I'm never going to be anything that I'm not right now. Just sick. But, that's all I've ever been, you know?" He pauses, seeming to think for a while. "But you'll be something, someday. One of us can see the pros! So, do what you 'd like, but go and see a professional game for me someday, okay?"

"Sure," Iwaizumi replies with a dry mouth, because he can't think of anything else to say.

One

Ten years wasn't enough for anything at all, really. Ten years was enough to get them started, and they could have started so much where they were. Ten years and they were ready to do so many things, they could have spent their whole lives together, could have played professionally together, could have—

Could have done so much. So many things that they'd never do, because ten years wasn't enough for anything at all.

Oikawa Tooru was eight years old when he came into Iwaizumi Hajime's life. Eight years old when he started anything and everything, and eight years old when he changed everything that had ever been.

Oikawa Tooru was eighteen years old when he left Iwaizumi Hajime's life. Eighteen when he ended everything and everything, and eighteen years old when the whole world stopped with his breathing.

It happened slowly. Oikawa never started his senior year of high school, already in the hospital when enrollment began. Volleyball stopped before he ever could have considered getting a scholarship, of course, and Iwaizumi did as much as he could for the dire situation. That wasn't much, but he could be at the hospital every moment that he was allowed, watching Oikawa's skin get paler and his breathing get weaker.

But it wasn't as if Oikawa himself faded out of everyone's lives. After all, he came crashing in, didn't he? He came crashing in, then built up the entire galaxy from the ground and claimed everyone's hearts as his own.

And he left in the same matter. He went out with a bang, never changed or got less lively or dramatic or teasing. He went out with a bang, tearing apart everything that he'd ever built and taking the whole galaxy with him when he left. He took everyone's hearts with him, too.

It wasn't real. The long days in a plastic chair weren't real. The days sitting curled up in the bed with Oikawa weren't real. The days flipping through the TV or staring outside at the stars or flirting with nurses or drawing on cheap paper or looking up dumb videos or seeing Matsukawa and Hanamaki or—

It wasn't real. It couldn't have possibly been real, Iwaizumi thought, because there couldn't be a world when the world stopped turning. It was a little problematic that Iwaizumi's whole life had been Oikawa Tooru for ten years, because there surely wasn't going to be anything left without him.

But Oikawa—though he knew this—smiles on, laughs on, teases on and flirts on as if nothing's wrong and it's just a little cold.

Iwaizumi listens to his breathing in the dark hospital room while he sleeps, and presses a kiss to his forehead when he wakes.

And at night while he sleeps, a little more than ten years after they met, the Earth's spinning starts to slow.

Zero

Iwaizumi listens to the complete silence in the dark hospital room alone.

The world has stopped spinning.


End file.
